When You Are Grieving
Grief is a very personal journey, it’s not something which we can force to happen. When you are grieving, it is important to give yourself the time and space to honour your feelings.
If you are struggling through the days and trying not to let others know how you are feeling, it is important to give yourself the time and space to allow feelings to come to the surface if you feel that you want them to. Sometimes the only way to cope and survive is to push your feelings down and carry on and that’s okay. If you want to make time for you and how you’re feeling, you might want to set aside a certain time during the day when you can be alone with your own thoughts and feelings or you might want to have a safe place that you can go to at any time you feel the need to remember and cry. This safe place could be a quiet room in your home or it might be the park a few minutes away. It might also be a place which has a special connection with the loved one you have lost.
Some people find it comforting to go to a place of worship or to connect with nature when they are missing their loved one. Some like to pray, some to light a candle, others just to take in the atmosphere and breathe in calmness whilst they look around them.
If you want to connect with how you are feeling, but are feeling stuck, you could write about who you have lost. What you really liked about them and what they meant to you. The good times you spent together and the times when you got each other through the hard times. Only do this however, if you feel you are not going to be completely overwhelmed by what you have written. Think about if you will need some support from a trusted friend or a therapist.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, disbelief, shock, guilt. lonely etc. No way of feeling or thinking is wrong.
Some people find it helpful to write letters. You might find it helpful to tell the person how you are feeling and what life is like for you now they have gone.
Look at photographs of your loved one. If it helps, put them up around your house or in a certain place in your house where you like to reflect.
You could make a special box and put items in it which remind you of the times you had together. When you’re feeling sad or down you can bring this out to look at.
Make a memory book. Write captions underneath photographs which make you smile and cry.
Find a trusted friend or therapist you can share your feelings and thoughts with. A friend who will allow you to cry and hear the memories you have.
Don’t beat yourself up by thinking, “I should be okay by now.” Grief is a process with it’s own ebb and flow. Try and accept how you feel and ask yourself what you need to do for yourself? Do you need space and time for yourself? Do you need to visit a specific, healing place? Do you need to connect with others? Do you need to breathe deeply and slowly to prevent panic? Do you need to take more care of yourself?
Meditation and relaxation can sometimes help.
There are lots of different losses we experience throughout the year. It is not silly to grieve for any type of loss. Often the losses which may be seen as smaller losses are still excruciatingly painful and we carry them in our minds and bodies every day. We often question why something has happened, was it something we did? Or was it about somebody else and we’ll never know the reason why? We may ask why did this happen to me? Or why is life always so hard? It is never wrong to feel sad, angry, hurt or broken by what has happened in life and we all have the right to grieve about the hurts we experience in our lives.
Tell yourself that it is okay to feel the way that you do.
You could write about what you have lost and the impact it has had upon your life or if you’re feeling more creative, you could draw or paint how you’re feeling.
If an experience has left you feeling angry, it can be helpful to do some exercise. Whatever feels okay with you.
If you find that an experience has left you feeling light headed and disconnected with yourself. Gentle movement can sometimes help to reconnect you to your body and the world around you. Gentle Pilates, yoga or swimming might be useful.
Meditation, relaxation or mindfulness can help to let go of stress and tension.
If you have experienced many losses, you could write a list of what they were and how they made you feel. You could then share this with a trusted, supportive friend or therapist.
It is always okay to talk about your losses, how you felt about them at the time and how you feel now. It is a way of coming to terms with them and giving yourself permission to let go and move on. Moving on and letting go doesn’t mean that we forget or the hurt completely goes away, it’s about allowing yourself to grieve and find a way forward which feels okay for you. Grief is often a journey which travels with us through out our lives. If you are alone and have no one to share your experiences with, do not be afraid to reach for support.
Take care of yourselves everyone 🤗❤️🤗
